The week in review (or at least Saturday to this very moment in time!)

For three months I have been looking forward to Summer since my work schedule changes greatly. And here I am today preparing for a half day and completely exhausted.

Despite the lack of sleep and mental exhaustion life has been one happiness filled moment after the other.

Saturday night we had a date. A fancy shmancy date. The kind where you eat tons of bread but not before dipping it in oil and balsamic vinegar goodness. We stuffed ourselves senseless without taking into consideration the entire purpose of our date. S’mores!

Months back at this same restaurant we saw this couple on a date feasting on s’mores. The entire presentation was delightful and oh so junk food chic complete with the appropriate ingredients and a fire source. And now we find ourselves in the same situation, except we are not late 40ish with a leathery tan and on our first match.com date. Not that the couple shared this with me- I just assumed by all the boobage and very slick hair that they still had not seen each other in their birthday suits.

Where was I going with this…oh yes s’mores!

We were ready to make this childhood staple and movie quote subject (thank you Ham Porter) our little bitch. And then we were full. We did in the process learn that sometimes you have to set the graham cracker on fire in order for the chocolate to melt. Seriously, burn Hershey’s burn!

There are many reasons I adore my husband. But the one that speaks to me the most is that he is very aware of soulmate-ness. We have been completely in synch since before I love you was even said (it was thought though, believe me!). We know when something is wrong instantly even when we are far away. One of us will get a funny feeling off at work and out of the blue one of us will text, “you okay? Sometimes it is annoying but sometimes, like earlier this week, it is fucking adorable.

I love Love. I love being in love.

And I also love this cute hair ties!

Anthropologie sells them five for $12.00. I have not made the time to order them online. However, earlier this week while doing some hormonal induced shopping at Target- I found some! Five for $5.00. Suck it Anthropologie! Okay, I don’t mean. I just wish you were closer!

Focus on the hair tie- not the hairy pale arm.

Tonight we have our second swing dance class. Hopefully, there will not be a melt down this time around. More on that later.

A beautiful Friday to you and all those you love!

The stars at night are big and bright!

http://youtu.be/foycHWwif_0

My first thought upon finding out about our date night plans! I love Portlandia!

All week Matthew has refused to give me quality hints about our date night, tonight. This morning as I was freaking out about my hair. He revealed that we are going to Shakespear in the Park otherwise known as just wear your hair up, you’ll be fine.

During lunch, we were discussing Crossfit. I mentioned to Matthew that I think it might be cool to compete one day. He said, "I’ll support you and change your diapers when you are paralyzed from the waist down." That was one of the sweetest things he has ever said! "I would change your diaper too, baby!"

This turned into a discussion about us practicing wearing diapers. Which then turned into a challenge of actually utilizing the diaper. Which then turned into the loser has to change the other person’s diaper. This was all of course in good fun and we were just kidding but I’m pretty sure everyone around us was getting a bit grossed out. Bwahahahahaha!

Patience or how not taking my time and forgetting my phone etiquette betrayed me.

Today has been one rushed moment to the next. My phone kept going off all morning- from text messages, to missed phone calls, to words with friends notifications. All I wanted- get back to work and return calls. I scrolled through my cell phone memorized the first number off my missed call list and dialed into my office phone.

When calling people for the first time ever, I usually say “Hi this is Denise. May I please speak to …”

Not today!

Coworker: “Hello?” (In thick accent)
Me: “Hey coworker what’s up? Sorry I missed your call! I was in meetings all morning then lunch and now I’m finally here.”
Coworker: “oh what did you have for lunch?”
Me: “Ummm Whataburger why?”
Coworker: “I can’t remember why I called you. Oh I was looking for Mr. Martinez and was not sure about his office hours but Grace already told me so thanks for everything. I think that’s why I called.”
Me: “Oh okay…” (Completely confused- who the fuck is Grace?) “let me know if you remember.”

I stared at the computer screen for a bit. Confused and not sure what to do next- I pulled up the missed number on my cell and cross referenced it to the one I dialed on my office phone. The last digit was incorrect. I spoke for five minutes to a complete stranger.

What would have happened if I had been on the phone longer? Get me started on a phone conversation and I am bound to divulge too much information. Whenever my students use the phone I remind them about phone etiquette and here I am talking to compete strangers. I know better.

So you know what GI Joe knowing is not half the battle- it is applying what you know!

Friday, come on down!

Four day weekends.

Paprika’s face clearly depicts my feelings for today. There were so many more naps to be had. Happy Tuesday, world!

Great Expectations

There was a time in my life in which I was a bit of a movie snob. My movie choices were either indie or foreign. Most of the mainstream movies I took in were a result of my three best friends. These besties taught me to appreciate the hilarity of Will Ferell and the vulgarity if Sasha Baron Cohen.

Sunday afternoons were reserved for me. I would sneak off to the theater and watch some wonderfully romantic, indie, weird ass movie all on my own. I felt such a rush being there alone about to enjoy something amazing and not having to worry about loud boy noises. Even in my previous marriage, I occasionally indulged in this ritual. That is till Matthew.

With one weekend of Marvel filled movies he knocked the snob out of me from here to next Tuesday. And it did not stop there we had weekends filled with the the Aliens trilogy and the Terminator movies. Slowly I began to love and crave the action film. If Jason Stathom is in it, I’ll probably want to watch it.

For months now at the CD Exchange I have been eyeing Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. Matthew laughs every time I being it up because he thinks I’m kidding. Kind of like when I mention loud enough for everyone to here that they do indeed have a copy of High School musical. I have dreams of the awesomeness that is mega shark fighting a ginormous croc.

As I was channel surfacing (four day weekend, bitches!) I stumbled across the movie at the very beginning. This joy lasted about 15 minutes. I’m not sure what I was thinking but I’m not proud and little embarrassed. Jaleel White should be embarrassed too.

“Not my prison shank!”

Sometimes I mess with my face. I’ll scrub it a bit to hard with the clarisonic or I’ll pick at something (the latter I believe to be a result of lacking control in other aspects of my life). In my defense, I thought this tiny white spot by my eye was an overproduction of collagen that sometimes results from either too much moisturizer or using one that is not appropriate for your skins level of hydration. So I messed with it two days ago and today as I was trying to move my hair out of my face I scratched the crap out of it. The result is this weird red oval that I swear looks like tear drop tattoo near my eye (see pic with pink arrow).

I feel incredibly self conscious and I am sure everyone is staring. Not sure if I should right my memoir about finding Jesus and rehabilitation or if I should just sit at my desk and song Crossroads. Sigh.

Tula old…

There is this scene in the beginng of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where Tula is riding in the front seat with her father. He makes some comment to her about needing to get married soon because she looks so “old.” I feel like that scene right now. So what did I do to compensate for the feel like I’m looking old feeling- I put on way too much lipstick this morning.

I started this new workout last night-it is a 12 week strength training program. And yes, tickets to the gun show will be available within the next couple of months.

Have a fabulous Wednesday, World!

My muffin top wanted to be included in this post. As you can see we have a lot of work to do.

Et tu, Jeepte

The AC saga continues and we have all but had it. After trekking miles and miles in the sun from the auto repair place to our home (one of us forgot the checkbook…ahem) we finally had a full functioning vehicle with nice cold air. I let it blast on super high as if filming a Mariah Carey video from the front seat. Everything was splendid. Life made sense again. Until this morning…

I fought long and hard to not wake up. Not even Matthew’s sweet good morning whispers or Paprika’s annoying, incessant meowing could disturb me. The snooze alarm didn’t even phase me. Then I realized there was no way in hell I was going to make it to my meeting on time if I did not get out of bed asap.

My hair looked perfectly tousled. The time invested on pinterest this last week looking up hair ideas totally helped. My clothes did not need to be ironed and my makeup looked great.

This Monday morning was turning out to be better than all the other Monday’s in a while. We jumped in the Jeep. Matthew was asking questions about the mix cd in the car. Apparently this was the first time he heard my "Blame it on Bob Dylan" mix cd. It was in rotation three weeks ago along with "Songs for our Anniversary." Whatevs.

Matthew turned the AC on some ridiculously low speed. I could feel my perfectly wavy loose curls cringe and frizz up. "OMG it is so freaking hot!" I turned it on full blast! And the AC went from tepid to warm. WTF. We kept messing with the controls thinking may be, just perhaps it was just us. It was not. The Jeep betrayed us. In the cruelest, meanest way possible. Tomorrow, the Jeep goes back for a follow up.

And I will begin my search for the perfect Prius.

McSweaty Pants- And not in a good way either.

The AC is out in the car. And we live in San Antonio, TX also known as the hottest part of the world. I have been sweating so much the last few days that I am pretty sure my electrolites are one milligramiliter away from sending me into the hospital. My jeans are stuck to my legs and now look like skinny jeans instead of bootcut relaxed. Something needs to be done STAT. I want to lose weight but not by dying in the process. Oh and my hair is tired of blowing in the wind. It stopped being cool and sexy somewhere around 4:30 p.m. Tuesday.

Lately, I have been feeling like the absolute most uncreative, super chubby version of myself. Seriously, I have this cute blog journal with lists of things that happen throughout the day that I know must be documented in blog form. But the moment I decide to write I feel so ordinary and uninspired. Kind of like that chick from The Ring has crawled out of my TV and is now standing infront of me sucking the spectacular and awesomeness out of me. Leaving a bit or ordinary me lying on the ground. Or was that The Grudge.

Hence, the lack of postings. I am afraid that if I write everything will be negative garbage. Hmmm perhaps it is too late for that.

Yesterday I read an article, somewhere online (pinterest- brings out the ADHD in everyone) about the use of the word "I" in status updates and blogging. Apparently using "I" frequently gives off a feeling of negativity to the reader. Its makes a person seem lonely and isolated. My only thought is FUCK. What to do now?

And The Office ended last night. Change you are freaking me out. And usually I welcome you. I think I need a moment to shake my fist at life.

The Mystery is Over…

This morning has been humbiling and humilating all at once.

Let me begin by sharing our wonderful weekend. It consisted of vegging on the couch all day Saturday and getting all nice and shiney for a date and celebrating our anniversary on Sunday. Matthew picked a nice restaurant and we went out and had fun. I love just sitting with him and talking. We are both talkers. Loud talkers. And loud laughers. Seriously, we are a loud couple, the kind that everyone turns around to stare at a quiet restaurant only to realize that what sounded like a party of ten is really just two. That’s us.

It was nice and sweet and we exchanged super sweet homemade gifts (that I have yet to take pictures of…). This first year of marriage has been fun, challenging (in a positive way) and exciting. We both have learned a lot about each other and continue to learn. We have maintained a certain level of mystery. The bathroom is still off limits to the other person if the other is occupying it. And flatulance is still blamed on our evil cat Paprika and our gassy cat Chapu. But today, this morning of all mornings, a line in the mystery line was drawn and I am still cringing.

There I am watching scrolling through facebook on my phone while listening to Good Morning America in the back ground. My nose begins to itch in an awful painful way. And it’s deep inside my nose. The kind of itch that rubbing your nose with your hand can’t fix. Without thinking of the consequences and only thinking of relieving the pain- there it went, my pinky finger up my nose. Then I looked up and made eye contact with Matthew. And I wanted to die- fast.

Matthew: Yup, I saw you pick your nose.
Me: What? It was itching really bad.
Matthew: It’s okay I pick mine in the shower.
Me: You shouldn’t be standing there naked people can see you.

Then we began to discuss God only knows what because I can not remember. I was trying to control my face from turning red and focusing on playing it cool. It was horrifying!!!

Every moment that I yelled at Matthew for farting in bed or burping right before kissing completely invalidated by this act. And I know better than this! Sooooo many questions have been running through my mind since I dropped him off at work. Is he going to think I’m less attractive, less adorable (and I’m freaking adorable). Is he going to question my hygiene?

Does this make him think that he now has carte blanche to do similar things?

Will he still love me tomorrow?

And you person that just turned their nose up at this post- do not act like you have done anything like this before!

Keep it real (er, not too real though).