The not ugly, just unflattering wedding dress.

I spent most of this afternoon rearranging our bedroom.  Matthew was sweet and helped for about five minutes till I made a snappy comment- he then found refuge in the kitchen among the dishes.  I organized our dresses, nightstands and closets.  Almost everything was complete except for Matthew’s dresser. I can not understand how someone can own so many t-shirts.  There are t-shirts from high school, 5Ks we completed, comic strip t-shirts- oh so many.  I even found the t-shirt with the sleeves cut off (seriously, why?). 

I was so excited to show Matthew everything I had accomplished (I was still annoyed by his playing of Halo 4 but that’s another story for another time).  When I opened his closet, I spotted a photo album on the very top and I thought perhaps now was the time to reveal the contents.

We are each others second marriage.  During our “courtship” we often shared stories about our past lives (although there was some overlap on my end-again for another time).  We discussed the people we were in those marriages and our expectations then and now.  It has been about nine months since we married- and fifteen months since we declared our love for each other. 

During this time I have mentioned on a few occasions that I hated the wedding dress I wore during my first wedding ceremony.  I’ve tried to describe it but was never quite able to conjure up enough adjectives to describe effectively.  That is until today, when I decided “why describe? why not show?” 

Matthew’s words, “It’s not ugly just not flattering.”  What a sweetheart.  The entire time I was cringing as we flipped the pages.  The photos were filled with lots of people that I no longer know and lots of actions.

Perhaps that is why the second time around, I chose to have a simple wedding.  Nothing fancy shmancy.  Just us at a park with our closest friends and family.  There was no reception. No first dance. No throwing of garters and bouquets.  Just lots of love and laughter. 

Where was I going with this?

Evidently there will need to be a follow up post.

 

Please don’t let it be Monday (or how I managed to blow this time off on trash tv…)

I have often considered myself a masochist since I have always been drawn to non-profit work.  Three months ago my world changed. The power of the internets and the hatred for the job i was in compelled me to fill out an application. Thirty minutes later it was submitted. Fifteen hours later I had a job interview.  Seventy hours later I was offered a job with a school district.  My heart was happy, delighted, ecstatic because working for a school district means one thing and one thing only- SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!!!

The countdown to Christmas Vacation began the Monday after Thanksgiving.  Having spent most past five holiday seasons working- I was very well aware that I needed to be effective and efficient with my time off.  No slacking off here. No throwing away hours of daylight. 
I was going to conquer the world drive two hours away to hike alone and reflect (Matthew killed that dream quickly when he mentioned that I would not like him hiking alone. Blah.

Holiday break 2012 I was going to party like Bon Jovi after a concert.  Yes, sir!

Wrong.

First week- Sick out of my mind.  You would have thought I was Mary Ingalls with the whooping cough. Wait…I think she had Scarlett fever.  All I know is that I was sick, yet nothing was going to stop me from cooking and preparing Christmas Eve dinner for our families.  As a result the next few days were spent sleeping and resting. 

Second week- I promised myself that this would be the week to clean.  I would finally rearrange the bedroom and organize my closet and conquer Mount Clean Clothes.  Mount Clean Clothes is a natural landmark in our bedroom. It is a result of countless mornings in which I can not find a single thing to wear.  Outfits are born and then ripped off because they are not quite me. 

We are now seven minutes away from midnight-Friday and I barely touched Mount Clean Clothes a few hours ago.  Most of this week has been spent sleeping and watching trash TV and the Big Bang Theory.  Matthew has been super supportive and has not made feel guilty once.  However, I must say that early today I cringed thinking about the other night when Matthew sat on the couch reading a book and provided commentary on Sister Wives.  Completely unacceptable. I’m an intelligent woman, I know better.  But omg there are so many TV shows I had no idea existed- shows about tattoo competitions- saying yes to a dress and lots of housewives shows.  The truth is that I know come Monday, I will no longer have time for this nonsense.

And I sit here completely disappointed in myself.  My list of awesome activities lost somewhere in the sleeping and cable TV. I am in a state of mourning…sad about everything that could have been. 

So instead I sit here too awake to fall asleep (thanks to two nap Thursday) reflecting on the small accomplishments of the past two weeks.

• Watched the entire Indiana Jones series
• Surprised Matthew with the complete Batman the Animated series
• Planned and prepared both a Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve party in our home.
• Finally figured out how to turn off the xbox. 
• Completed another chapter of Resident Evil 6.
• Conquered the crock-pot!

Monday- all I ask is that you go easy on me.

Not my first time at the rodeo…errr marriage…

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to cook more for my husband, Matthew. We carpool to work each morning and without fail he makes sure that we stop at Starbucks so I can get my fix. He knows exactly how I life my coffee and if that morning, the bold of the day sucks- he knows my back up choice.  This means that every morning we spend an extra 10-15 minutes of our morning-on me.

Today as I was dropping Matthew off after lunch I thought of our Starbucks runs.  Matthew loves Sonic-but it would not be healthy to stop every morning for a large cranberry slush.  How can I show Matthew the same loving gestures that he shares with me every morning.  I can feed him home cooked meals.

That is what I will do. Starting today.  In a previous life, I rarely cooked.  Rarely.  I was always too busy…but now I know that I can make time. Every day-week I can set time out to plan our meals.  Matthew has been complaining about his weight lately.  We both have gained some weight since we married.  He has started calling himself “fatisito,” which sounds completely adorable and makes me giggle every time.

First home cooked meal of 2013- Chicken and Rice soup.  This will probably be dinner and lunch for the next few days.  My next goal- learn how to cook for two people.

Matthew describing how he feels and coining the term fatisito.

(for the record, i do cook—just not as often as i should).

The Year of Three Last Names.

Towards the end of 2011, I remember being excited about 2012.  The anticipation of new start and a clear defining line separating the past from the present filled me with hope.  2012 proved to be a great year. Quite possibly one of the most challenging years I have ever experience, but nonetheless a great year.

The first half of the year was dizzying blur.  It was like riding one of the scary old carnival rides.  The adrenaline in your body causes you to have a mixture of different emotions from scared our of your mind to super excited in anticipation of the speed.   In a period of four months-I had three last names.  Two different versions of me existed-seized to exist and then morphed onto a mega version of me.  A happy version of me.

In January, I still carried someone else’s last name.  In  February, my family’s name and in April- the name of the man I was meant to share my life with.  This was the perfect beginning to the rest of 2012.  I spent the other half of the year learning about the married me.  A completely different version of the person I had been previously.  So many other life changing events happened as well, but the most important was that I learned to love myself while loving someone else.

This morning, after our friends had left, in the quiet of our bedroom as I listened to my husband sleep, I could not help but feel overwhelmed with excitement about 2013.

New Year’s Resolution- January 2013- Dance More.

Plenty of Fish…errr…losers

In my 32 years of life, I have discovered, embraced and rejoiced in my hopelessness romantic-ness.  From my five year old desire to marry Optimus Prime to my belief (this ended seven months ago when I met the love of my life) that James Franco and I are soul mates, I have been fascinated by love creation of relationships.

I’d like to think that we all have someone out there that fits us perfectly.  Some of us find this person at the grocery store, others at a cute bookstore, others at work (like me!). Sometimes we have I facilitate this process.  This leads me to this evening.

My sister is a beautiful 25 year old young man. She is an amazing mother to the coolest four year old ever (no, seriously. My nephew is cuter than any kid you can mention), she has impeccable taste in clothing and is super funny and intelligent.

So you would think, she would have zero dating problems correct? Wrong! We live in San Antonio, Tx, one of the countries fattest cities, and definitely not leading the nation in educational attainment. So she has resorted Sita dating site that claims there are plenty of fish out there.  Tonight, as we scrolled through the list of potential suitors, I was amazed that so much loser could be found in one place.

List of men that my sister has to filter through:

The I lie about my height because I am an average 5’7″ male and am so uncomfortable in my own legs.

The I know we’ve never met but can I come over to your apartment and meet you for the first time at fifteen minutes to midnight.

The I don’t have a job but I’m always driving around all day (ahem, drug dealer).

The I’m going through a divorce and I need a woman’s attention to validate me since my wife slept with my best friend.

The I know you have a kid but I have to ask every five minutes if you will have your child today since evidently I’ve been with woman that have zero parental responsibility.

I suggested eharmony. You get what you pay for so the quality of men might be a of a higher caliber…ummm better.

I write this as I watch my husband play Mass Effect 2, while he eats chips and salsa and hones his inner 12 year old.

the fruits of my labor

On my way to becoming a bonafide tagger…

Purpose and caffeine

I’m sitting here trying to learn how to tag. A 16 year old student is telling me to just blend the letters and I can not understand what that possibly means.The entire time I was an art student in college we never had to blend letters. We blended colors but not letters. Today is day 14 of trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life.

I will take graffiti artist off my list.  Next cheesy dirty romance level writer. Maybe.

A perfectly selfish day.

Today I did something completely out of the ordinary. I chose to take a sick day, just for the hell of it.  I decided on Friday, at the suggestion of my wonderful husband, that I had more than earned a three-day weekend.  The purpose of today was to clear my head and decide which way to move forward in my professional life.  Instead, I spent the day watching a  movie, meeting my sister for lunch and grocery shopping.  And I did get a little thinking in here and there.  

A week and four days ago I was fortunate enough to be a part of a very critical moment. A moment that changed drastically my role at work.  The details of that will come later.

Welcome to this blog.  Welcome to the process.

I’d offer you coffee but I seemed to have run out.